i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
