I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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