i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
