I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
