If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
