I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
