No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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