Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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