...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
