Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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