the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
