This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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