I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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