I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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