It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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