I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
