yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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