Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
