you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
