just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
