I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
