I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
