If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
