I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
