the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
