I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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