Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
