I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
