toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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