filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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