The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
