I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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