This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
