woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
