remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
