oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
