So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
