No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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