I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
