Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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