I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
