She is in my trunk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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