If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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