Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I party with great urgency now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
