she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
