i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
