Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She bit a glass in half.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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