It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
