I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
