"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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