If that was your dad, he is hot
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
