dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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