im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
