what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
