Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
